Thanks to our friend Badboy who posted this in his Asian Divas group. I thought this girl was quite funny in getting her point across. I would hope that most of us guys who prefer Asian ladies don’t act like her ill mannered dates! π
Asian Fetish according to Gen the Angry Asian Girl
So the other day, I went out on a date with a man. A White Man. THE
MAN for my revolutionary brothers and sisters. So anyway, as I’m out
on a date this man, he’s telling me about his ex girlfriend, and he
prefaces it with saying “so my ex-girlfriend, she’s Korean.” β¦and so
on and so forth. It starts to hit me, and I’m trapped, and I don’t
know what to do short of, throw my salad against the wall to cause a
diversion and run for the door.Genevieve, I say to myself, because that’s my name, you’re with a Rice
King. Stay Calm and try not to act overtly Asian and inadvertently
getting him aroused.
Rice King see Asian Fever, see Yellow Fever, see Asian Fetish, see
G.I. Joe.
After he drones on about his car, a new convertible beamer with some
type of flecked paint and expensive rims (strike one,) about his job
as a radio promo guy for a record label, I’ve got the best job in the
world!, (strike two,) about his ex-girlfriend, she’s Korean, if you
didn’t already know (strike three) he begins to tell me about his LOVE
of Asian culture. YOU’RE OUT!
He then proceeds to tell me that it’s not that he has an Asian Fetish,
per se, (Insert image of overly-tanned, beamer-owning, Radio Promo
Guy, with Asian Fetish doing the universal sign for quotation marks
here.) It’s just that I LOVE Asian culture SO MUCH, I mean, I even
bought a 6 hour special on PBS about Chinese History. Do you know the
oppression that the Chinese have been through with (so and so) and (so
and so) and then (something else) happened. It’s so rich. I just
really need to be with someone who understands it. I mean, I probably
know more about Asian History than the average Asian American but it’s
important to me that Asian history is something the person I’m with
wants to learn about.
(Me. Gaping open mouth. Inability to contribute to conversation for
the first time in the history of Asian Man.)
Here the clincher. Also I just don’t find your typical American White
or European woman attractive. Asian and Latin women are soooo,
you guessed it, the E word, Exotic.
Me: Wow, look at the time. It was nice having dinner with you. Lets
talk sometime in say, the year of the dog.
Ok I didn’t really say that, but how great would it be?
So then, I go out on a date with a whole other different guy. Yes,
white. Who’s really great so I’ll try to not rip on him so much. He’s
a divorcee and he was married to a Japanese woman. They met while he
was teaching ESL (English as a Second Language.) Six years later they
divorce. Why did they divorce? Because she never bothered to learn
English. She always spoke a badly broken form of English.
So I’m trying to figure out if I’m attracting Asian Fetishists because
I am Asian or is Asian Fetishists are attracted to me because I am
Asian. What came first, the chicken or the egg?
Or am I a White Boy fetishist? Or maybe I have Asian Fetishists
Fetish. And is it only an Asian Fetish because the man is not Asian
himself? I don’t know.
What I do know is that I just really hope this whole Asian-thing is a
phase. Like Trucker hats and Ugg Boots.
But for you Asian Fetishists out there, here are some guidelines:
1) Don’t blow your entire knowledge of the (Insert appropriate Asian
dialect or language here) on us. We are not impressed that you know
how to say “Hi, I Love you and you’re beautiful” in Cantonese or
Tagalog or Japanese. Those are the phrases you need to know if you’re
propositioning a prostitute in their country or origin. Guess what
guys, we speak PERFECT English. In fact, we speak Engrish BEDDY GOOD.
PLEASE TO TALK TO US IN ENGRISH.
2) Don’t tell me you love (reading of menu from a Chinese restaurant
here) but give me the only American-friendly options like: Chow Mein,
Fried Rice, Won Ton. We have a lot more than three dishes guys. And
no, I won’t cook for your ass. So don’t ask.
3) Don’t give me a history lesson on my culture. I don’t go around
telling you about the Revolutionary War and the Declaration of
Independence.
4) Please don’t call us EXOTIC. I’ll hurt you. I swear I will.
5) Please don’t get tattoos of our words and phrases on your body. If
you want to eternally communicate Strong Bold Persevere or what have
you on your body, Old English letters and cursive is so nice. Plus
half the time, SURPRISE! You’ve actually just tattooed something
stupid on yourself like HARD LARGE or SUSTAIN. ALSO, guess what?
YOU’RE NOT CHINESE!
6) Its not special that you know how to use chop sticks. Over 1
billion people in one country alone know how to use chopsticks and
they learned them at about the time you were using a sippy cup.
7) Don’t advertise your Asian Fetish by telling us about your Asian
exs. We WANT to date you, but it makes it hard when we can’t help but
feel were taking part of your geisha girl fantasies. It’s a free
country, you can have your Asian Fetish, and I can have my choking
fetish and we can all live together side by side. Just don’t tell me
about it. If you do we can’t help but be conflicted. Does he like me
cos I’m Asian? Or does he like me because of me? Does he like me
because of my slanty eyes? Or does he like me because of ME? Is he
trying to figure out if my slit is sideways? Or is it ME? Guess what
guys, if I’m out with you, chances are you’re well on your way to
laidville. Half the battle is already won. You don’t need to make me
feel special by expressing your love of my culture. And you’ll
increase your chances of me and you doing the funky monkey dance
ten-fold if you keep your Asian Fetish where it belongs. In the closet.
Love,
Gen the Angry Asian Girl.
